Every day I think I am going to write and every day comes to an end with very little to show for it. I can’t seem to shut out the so called “real” world the way I usually can. My mind is consumed with thoughts of my kids and what they are doing, as well as what they need to be doing. This is the year Tessa has to apply for college, and the decisions and work involved in doing so is overwhelming. Add to that Tori’s starting a new school, and my son Nick being between jobs, and my mind is on a constant spin cycle.
Now to be fair, Nick is an adult and perfectly capable of getting another job on his own. That’s not a huge concern. What does concern me is his happiness. I want him to find a job that he enjoys and where he will be surrounded by like minded people. As for Tori, she appears to be doing very well, but as is to be expected with any new endeavor, there have been a few hic-ups along the way to this school becoming all that it has the potential to be. Frankly, I’d like them to get it together now.
Lastly, college! Agggrrrhh! How do you help a child who is not yet seventeen to decide if she is prepared to go away to a college thousands of miles from home, especially when you can’t afford to go check it out ahead of time. Should I be encouraging her to stay put and go to a school nearby, or do I encourage her to be adventurous and spread her wings? She has the potential to receive a full scholarship, but if she gets it, she has to accept it, which means no changing her mind. She will be stuck for the next four years with a rushed decision made at sixteen, because the application has to be in by the end of this month. It is maddening and enough to leave me all but paralyzed with anxiety.
I cannot begin to tell you how much I wish I could lose myself in writing right now!
The past few weeks have been tough and the next few promise more of the same. We are stuck in that in between time where money is not coming in and it’s a struggle just to get by. However, on a more positive note, I have not only sold some books this month, but others have been borrowed from the Amazon library.
Correction; I have sold one book. On A Hot August Afternoon. It continues to baffle me as to why the others don’t sell. This being the rough month it is though, I’m not looking a gift horse in the mouth (whatever that means) and I am grateful for this spot of light in an otherwise difficult time. Just to be clear, all four books are available on Amazon!
Crashing Into Us http://www.amazon.com/Crashing-Into-Us-Bridget-Straub-ebook/dp/B00GQIWUNA/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1403406100&sr=1-1&keywords=crashing+into+us
On a Hot August Afternoon http://www.amazon.com/Hot-August-Afternoon-Bridget-Straub-ebook/dp/B008BMENNE/ref=pd_rhf_dp_p_img_1
The Salacious Marny Ottwiler http://www.amazon.com/Salacious-Marny-Ottwiler-Bridget-Straub-ebook/dp/B00A43VD4U/ref=pd_rhf_dp_p_img_3
Searching For My Wand http://www.amazon.com/Searching-For-Wand-Bridget-Straub-ebook/dp/B006K7OSVO/ref=pd_rhf_dp_p_img_3
Hope there has been much light in your month and that there will continue to be! On to bigger and better times!
We are four days into the new school year, and after a few bumps along the way, all seems to be settling down. My older daughter is finishing out her last year in the original high school we chose, while my younger daughter has opted to go to a new school. As you know from a previous post, this was not an easy decision to make. Both girls would prefer to skip school all together, but seeing as that is not an option, they appear to be doing their best to make peace with their decisions.
I am hopeful that they can get through the year with as little drama as possible. High school being high school, I don’t know if that’s a crazy thought or not, but I am keeping my fingers crossed.
When I was fourteen, my mother agreed to let me try a new “alternative” high school, and honestly, the results were somewhat disastrous. I wound up dropping out six months before graduating because the teachers were so full of themselves and that’s not just the conclusion of a disgruntled seventeen year old girl. When I look back on it now, it’s a wonder I lasted that long.
Fast forward to the present, when I have a fourteen year old daughter of my own trying to decide where to go to school. Her choices are to remain at the school she started at last year that has gone steadily downhill, or to move to a new school that some of the best teachers from the old school are starting. Last night we went to an open house at the new school, and if anything, it sounds too good to be true. The thing that is most intriguing is the enthusiasm of the directors and the creative approach to teaching. On many levels it seems a no brainer but here is where it gets difficult; friendship.
My daughter and her best friend have known each other since they were three. They have gone to elementary school, middle school and begun high school together. She doesn’t want to leave her because she fears they will never see one another. They will hang with different people and drift apart, and as much as I’d like to tell her that could never happen, I can’t say it. There is the very real possibility that it could, and while I can say as an adult that it might be meant to happen, I know as a child that is scary and a miserable thought.
I love her best friend and would be really sad if they don’t remain close, and yet do I push her to risk it, or do I leave the decision up to her? I want what’s best for her, and educationally speaking, I think the new school is where she belongs, but emotionally I’m just not sure.
We are still a year away from college and yet it has taken over our lives in an all encompassing way that I never imagined possible. I swear a day does not go by that we don’t discuss it in some way, and we have been inundated with materials from every college, ivy league as well as local. The money they must spend (not to mention the amount of trees they must kill) to print up the numerous beautiful catalogues they send us is just shy of criminal. It is also overwhelming.
I would give just about anything to stop thinking about this. It’s bad enough to have to give up your child to these institutions, but should they really be allowed to take over my life a year in advance in such an unrelenting manner?
Today’s stress comes from trying to figure out how to visit Vanderbilt in the next few weeks? Months? Do we even have months? Before we know it we will be filling out applications, and it would be nice to have some concrete sense of where my child will spend a substantial part of her time. We have been to Davis and Stanford. We need to get to UCLA but it’s so local that it eludes us, and then there is Vanderbilt.
I like the idea of going to Nashville. I would love to explore a new city and the potential future home of my daughter. Can I start a Kickstarter campaign for this sort of thing? They have certainly backed less important endeavors. In the meantime, as always, I need to sell some books!
Have you read Crashing Into Us? I promise you, it will be hard to put it down!
I was sitting on my bed last night, winding down and flipping through the channels on the ancient TV I have back in my room, when I came across a favorite old movie. The Proposal with Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds was just starting and I paused to watch a little, thinking I had seen it fairly recently and that it probably wouldn’t be that great to see it again so soon. Still, I was enjoying the opening scene when Tessa came in, asked “Is that The Proposal?” and told me she’d be right back.
She returned and we snuggled on my bed, laughing more than I’d thought we would. A few scenes into it Tori came in. “Is that The Proposal? You are watching without me?” she objected, claiming it is one of her favorites as well. We pushed over and she joined us. It was one of those perfect moments when all was right in the world.
I love spending time together like that, and I am all too aware of the fact that moments with my girls snuggled together will become fewer and further apart as they continue to grow and move out on their own. I am so grateful for times like this.
It feels like forever since I have posted anything, probably because it has been, at least in comparison to how I have posted in the past. Somehow this summer, in which we really haven’t done a thing, has been extra hectic. I don’t know why. I blame it on dogs and babies and the looming threat that my daughter will be leaving for college next year.
Lately I have been taking long walks, daydreaming about a new book that is percolating around my brain. I’ve chosen the neighborhood the main characters all grew up in and I’ve come up with their names, how they met, etc. I have a general idea of what the story is about, but like always, where it goes and how it ends remains to be seen.
I’m sure sooner or later I will get back to a routine of posting regularly, but right now I’m just allowing myself to take things one day at a time. If I feel like writing, I write. If not, I don’t. In the meantime I’ve been taking a lot of pictures.