I’ve hit the wall today. After months of staying positive, or at least giving it a real try, I have come up against the very real fear that nothing is going to change fast enough and worse yet, that there is nothing I can do about it. Every step forward requires sixteen steps backward and the waiting has become unbearable. That said, however, I’m left with no choice but to keep trying.
I’m sure not feeling good for the past week isn’t helping. I’m on the mend but now Tessa is threatening to get it, and of course Tori had it before me, so this shows no sign of doing anything but dragging on. I hate it when I get like this because the Gemini in me takes that whole twin thing to its bickering best. No matter how depressed I am there is always that counter voice telling me to get up and that others have it just as bad or worse. What I would give to shut that voice up at least for a day.
I’m still certain that I am on the right path. I know I am doing everything I can and pursuing every opportunity and that is all I can do. If things are destined to get worse before they get better, then there will be no stopping it. My tears aren’t going to change anything. I must have faith that somehow we will survive, because at the moment that’s all I’ve got.
So, forgive this pity party. I can only assume some of you have attended similar parties before and can relate. This will pass just as other hard times have passed; it’s just hard to see when you are in the thick of it.